Sometimes...

Sometimes you are the painter and sometimes you are painted. This was a lesson Claire learned this afternoon.

Daddy Blog (7/9/12)

A New Hole

By: Danny Thomas

well…

it’s been over a month since I blogged
which is strange
because
usually I am prolific in the summer…
the summer makes me think.
and it makes me take my time.
and thinking, along with taking my time usually lead to writing…
for me.

but this summer has been full.
Full.

Not just of the usual summer stuff
not just sunblock
and fire works
and plastic backyard pools…

this summer my dad died.

it’s hard to write any words after those words.

it’s been hard to write any words at all.

from the time I started writing this blog, along with my wife, he has been who I write for.

I mean I write for anyone who’ll read it but
he is who is in my heart when I write.

I guess that won’t change.

but,

I have A New Hole.

He was my hero.

My hero.

I am glad and grateful all my girls met their granddad.
I am glad and grateful I was there when he died.
I am glad and grateful the worst parts of his illness were short
and quick and relatively comfortable.
I am glad and grateful circumstance allowed my family to be around him, together, when he died.
I am glad and grateful arrangements were more or less simple and reasonable…
I am glad and grateful that my dad and I spent the last several years really sharing openly with each other our mutual respect and admiration.
I am glad and grateful that all of these things help me to feel, on some level “okay”

There is a lot to be grateful for.

But

I have A New Hole.

A New Heartbreak.

A friend recently wrote, “Language is an inadequate method of communication to describe most of the human condition. I demand a more suitable replacement.”

As it turns out she was talking, to some degree, about child rearing, and specifically the emotional rollercoaster of sleep training… but, even without context, the statement works in the broadest sense.

It hit me.

There is, indeed, no language, no rendering of words, that can describe the strange emptiness and sadness I feel as a result of my dad dying, or the feeling I have of being okay with it.

Okay with the grief, okay with how it happened, the process…

okay with not being okay…

it doesn’t even make sense, hence; words fail.

I just have This Hole…
and I know little things… and big things…

things…

are going to nudge that hole

off and on

for the rest of my life.

and that seems terribly sad.

and terribly right.

Shakespeare in the Park

We decided to head over to Detroit Lakes to watch "Romeo and Juliet". Unfortunately it started to rain about 15 minutes in but it was fun while it lasted.

On the way home we meandered through the gravel country roads and the girls freaked out about being lost. What kind of chicken, city girls are we raising?!?! And what are they going to do in a couple of weeks when we go camping?

Mini Cobber Reunion

Kate and Sara happened to be visiting MN at the same time and we had a mini reunion gathering at Mel's house.


Here are us girls.

And one with us and our brood.

4th of July

We got a wonderful invite to head out to Sara Forsythe's parent's lake house for the day! It was a great way to get to chat with each other as well as spend some time in the water.


Before we even got on the road we had a bit of an "emergency." Danny was getting everyone and everything in the car while I finished up in the house with Finley. I came out and he came to grab some stuff from my hands and closed his car door. He stopped. Froze. And said to me, "The car doors just locked." Well, as it turned out the car was locked with both sets of keys, both phones and 2 kids (Maya and Claire). Thankfully it was running with the air conditioner cranked (it was about 95 degrees) and the music blasting (which was less helpful). He started to dance around a bit, so he and Fin went for a walk while I figured out how to get Maya to understand she was going to need to squeeze out of her carseat and get into the front seat to unlock the doors.


This sounds easier than it really is however. The way we have the carseats in the car is tricky. Claire can't be in the car for Maya's belt to get buckled/unbuckled. So...it took a bit for Maya to understand she was locked in the car. Thankfully she didn't freak out and thankfully she started to understand my charades. After a few frustrating attempts she figured out a way to squeeze out of her seatbelt and crawl to the front seat!! Hooray Maya! When we were finally on the road she declared "Maya Saves the Day, Episode 1." Danny and I both hope that the series doesn't get picked up!


And finally...we got out to the lake. It was crazy hot, very humid and no wind. Stifling really but the kids loved it!


A couple of shots from my phone.

And more from the big camera.

That evening we headed to a big pasture near Pelican Rapids to watch fireworks. I didn't think it would be a big show but it was spectacular!!! The girls loved it and loved hanging out in the back of Bryce's truck. They had also lost their minds a bit. The fireworks didn't start until about 10:45 and it had been hot, hot, hot all day and they swam and ran! Yeah. Insanity.

Cobber Kids Parade

Fin's school does a 4th of July parade each year. They make hats and face paint the kids. Everyone comes in their best patriotic gear and they walked around campus with music blaring. It is fabulous!

Sunday Morning S'mores

We ran out of time for snores on Saturday night do we promised the girls treats in the morning.


This was their response to finding out.

And a few others.

And no better way to rinse off the stickiness of smores than a dip in the pool!

We also put Claire's bloomers on her head and ended up with this gem.