Daddy Blog #2

Peter Pan & Me

February 26th, 2010
The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

I have come to realize that one of the hardest things about being a dad, for me, is that sometimes I have to be Mr. Darling; sometimes I have to throw Nana out of the nursery and ask that my children grow up. And even worse, sometimes I have to ask my children to accept “truths” and “realities” as a function of existing in society. I hate this.

Anyone who knows me well knows that this is counter to my nature, philosophically and practically. I am a knee jerk agnostic; it is my reflex to question anything I “know” to be “true.” One of my father’s biggest sources of pride is having raised a couple of iconoclasts who are not interested in maintaining the status quo. I have the goal, as a father, to honor that tradition and raise children who are, at the very least, mindful of their assumptions.

Growing up, the fictional characters I related to the most were Pooh, Tigger, and The Incredible Hulk. But Peter Pan, for me went beyond a fictional character; he was my myth, my personal icon, a spirit guide if you will. Obviously as I grew, I came to realize that the romantic idealization of youth can be a deadly trap. At the same time I still can’t let go of the notion that there is something of value to letting yourself believe in magic, letting yourself believe in pixie dust and Neverland. Over the years I have maintained and nurtured my connection to Peter Pan’s rascal spirit. It has grown to be an appreciation and reverence to what is unexplainable. It is faith, of a sort. Believing in the fantastic is part of the fabric of my character. I will always clap for Tinkerbell.

So it’s hard giving up the role of Peter Pan, but I can live with occasionally being Captain Hook, because while Captain Hook is a bad guy – he still gets to play, he exists in Neverland, in this world of imagination. So I can almost tell myself I am playing the bad guy, that this “time out” or that confiscated toy is a sporting kind of discipline. What really kills me is when the role of Mr. Darling is required.

Mr. Darling rejects imagination as “poppycock.” Mr. Darling is the end of imagination, the end of play. Mr. Darling says it’s time to “grow up.” He rejects the fantastic…and on top of that he treats Nana like a… dog!

But sometimes, it seems, the games go too far, the pretending gets dangerous, or scary, and sometimes we just need a break from our imagination…

And that’s when it’s my job as a parent to don the Mr. Darling sports coat and top hat and decide what is real, or what the truth is for my kids – that is a terrifying responsibility.

As hard as that is for me to swallow, it is another example of something I’m learning while being a father, but it’s comforting to know I’ve always got a little “something” up my sleeve.

A Published Blogging Daddy

Danny wrote a blog about "his roommates"...aka "our children" that was published today.

I thought I would post a copy of it as well as provide the link:
http://thenextfamily.com/blogs/2010/02/12/urban-dwellers/so-much-to-learn/

Congrats!

So Much To Learn…

February 12th, 2010
The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

I have a four-year-old kid, and an 18-month-old kid…

They are awesome, but they are the worst roommates I’ve ever had.

They are so full of life that it spills out on the floor and I am constantly tripping over it.

They are so expressive that I forget I have my own feelings, until they come bubbling, frothing, erupting and exploding, at times, to the surface.

They are brilliant, astounding, wonderful machines of love and destruction.

Fatherhood is a synthesis of so many things including chaos, laughter, entropy, love, awkwardness and destruction…

The other day I went to my acupuncturist. She treats me for a number of things including indigestion, stress and anger-management – obviously, all these things are related to, and amplified by parenthood, but they were “pre-existing conditions.”

There is always a bit of awkwardness on my part when she works on my feet.

Like clockwork, she starts to take my socks off. I offer to do it, and she laughs and tells me it’s not a problem, so I relax. This particular day, she kept laughing… a little too long.

“I think you have a sticker stuck to your foot… it looks like Tinkerbell.”

I was just so relieved it wasn’t food.

The thing is, at that moment all I could do was laugh, at myself, at my children, at the whole episode – and isn’t that one of the greatest gifts?

I am learning from Lil’ Chaos and Wobzilla (their loving nicknames) all the time, and growing as a result of them being in my life. I am learning to be more patient.

I am learning to be disciplined when it’s called for and spontaneous when it’s not. It’s not always easy to tell the difference.

I’m learning, er… trying to learn to accept that this whole family, this life, is a work in progress.

Learning that mistakes and embarrassing moments are okay, that I can laugh at myself even when I have weird crap stuck to my feet, or even when I make a more serious mistake.

If I can learn that from my kids then hopefully they can learn it from me too…

And I guess I feel like the biggest thing I have to teach my children

Is that I have something to learn from them…

that we have a lot to learn from each other.

4 Years...

Maya coming home from the hospital... 1st Birthday... 2nd Birthday... 3rd Birthday... and 4th birthday... Happy Birthday Poppy!

Big Shoes, er Boots, to Fill

Really the picture says it all.


I think she tromped around in Maya's boots for 15 minutes and we laughed the entire time! We've definitely entered into the "I'm-going-to-do-everything-Maya-does" phase.

December Visit to MN

We were lucky enough to sneak in a pre-Christmas visit to MN to see all the family. We trekked up to Portland on Monday night and flew out on Tuesday morning. Thankfully we sneaked into MSP before a winter storm.

Things were slow moving on our way south to Owatonna but nothing too awful. Somewhere between Faribault and Medford Maya alerted us that she had to pee RIGHT NOW. So, I took the next off ramp and the poor kid peed outside in a MN winter storm. Good to see she is hearty stock! :D

It doesn't look "that bad" in the picture but it was windy, snowing and quite cold.


Tuesday night it snowed all night. Danny and I ran out to Target in the blizzard after we got the kids tucked into bed. I knew we wouldn't be getting out much the next day and I wanted the girls to have snowpants/jackets that they could go out in the snow in. I think we were the only people dumb enough to be out but our mission was a success.

Maya loved the snow. Fin, on the other hand, thought the snow was ok as long as she wasn't in it!


Porter came over to show Maya "the ropes" of snow play. Maya showed him how to make an snowball store. They had a good time playing together.

We spent a lot of time visiting family and eating food, of course. We had supper with Grandma Babe, played 500 with Grandma Babe and Shirley. Maya had her first overnight at Porter's house. She didn't get much sleep but she did manage to stay over all night. She went swimming with Jonathan, Teresa and Porter as well.

Four generations picture.

We went to see Santa at the Owatonna Arts Center. There were pics with Santa and then a reading of "The Polar Express". Fin wanted absolutely nothing to do with Santa. Maya was wiggly and squirmy but we managed to get a quick shot.
There was a stunning Christmas tree and we managed to get Porter, Maya and Fin sitting their momentarily. This picture captures each of them in an interesting light!



We had a very Merry Kuchenbecker-McKinney Christmas at the Geneva Bar and Grill. It was great. Dad and Barb made prime rib, fried chicken, au gratin potatoes, and green bean casserole. It was fabulous. The entire family was there.

There were family pictures.




There was family bingo with fabulous prizes!!!! Maya was an excellent caller. She would walk over and personally tell you the number.



There were quarters aplenty for pool, the claw game and...the juke box. Of course Danny was the first to put music in the machine and out blasted our family favorite "Single Ladies" which wasn't that big of a deal EXCEPT it was at Saturday night full bar volume on a Sunday evening. Holy hell it was funny. The kids all got into a little dance party with some Lady Gaga, a little Abba and other raucous tunes.

Maya alternated between using her cue stick as a guitar and using it as a vehicle for applying chalk.


Fin, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with the actual presents in the bag. She just wanted to pull her bags around. So she did.


After much fun and relaxing it was time to take our leave. We had a couple last minute cuddles, smooches and pictures with Grandma Sandy.





We drove up to MSP a day early because the McThor clan were kind enough to make the trek down from Fargo so we could hang out before getting on the plane. We had adjoining suites which worked perfectly. We had sleeping rooms and a bit of room to run. It was great to see them and finally meet Griffin and Duncan. Their family is beautiful and it was great to be able to sit and chat.

We got to do a little swimming.


And Maya got a chance to practice her mothering skills.


We flew out Thursday morning (12/17). We allowed a ton of extra time but after returning the car, getting through security and peeing we walked onto the plane just before they closed the door! The flight was pretty good although we were all pretty tired. Getting back to PDX we got our luggage and then had to wait for the shuttle, install the car seats, get back to our car, install the car seats....whew!

Needless to say we were ecstatic to be home and in our own beds that night!!!!

Chucker Cheese

Saffie, Maya's BFF, had her birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. We'd never been there; although, Danny and I knew full well what we were entering into. Maya would periodically point at the building (it's located next to Target) and ask us what was in the building. We'd skillfully avoid her question and move on. But on December 6th all that changed. :D

It was a really fun birthday party and we only started to lose our minds at the end. Danny and I decided that Chuck E. Cheese is the kid-version of Vegas--no clocks and lots of oxygen. Holy hell we kept wondering why Fin was fussing and being a crankpot. Well, once we got out to the car and realized it was 3pm we understood. (We arrived at 11:30.)

First a little air hockey between friends.


Then a little off-road action in the Hummer. This freaked Fin out because it tips way back and then tilts back and forth.


Fin found her stride with the Teletubbies.


Maya was FREAKED out by Chucker. She couldn't figure out what he was and quite honestly Danny and I were little help because he freaked us out as well. We finally told her he was a mouse. But the big teeth still pop up in conversation periodically.



She had a ton of fun dancing in front of the camera which then projected their image on the tv wall. Hmmm...shocking... (Maya's in the guitar shirt in the middle of the screen.)


Here's the kicker. We drove home to immediately turn around and head out to the next party at the Science Factory. Yes, that's right folks, 2 back to back birthday parties the day before we flew out to MN. Danny was a trooper and took Maya while I put Fin down for a nap and worked on my dissertation. Craaaaazy!!!!!

Oh to be young again!

I mean honestly, who can squat like this? Or, unabashedly show such surprise!
She is quite a character these days!