Another Daddy Blog!

Happy Homemaker

March 26th, 2010 The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

In about 2 weeks I will become a full time homemaker
This is so exciting!
It’s just not happening exactly the way I had planned.
But isn’t that the way it always is?

I got laid off last week, from the best job I have ever had.

It has been a delight. I have been an assistant to Mason Williams, the inimitable musician, writer, poet, artist and composer. How many people can say they have worked for one of their idols? How many people can say they have worked with and for such an icon, such an iconoclast? It has been, by anyone’s standards, a dream job.

Like any job it has had ups and downs, but the opportunities I’ve been given to learn in this job, and the support and generosity have been immeasurable.

It’s going to be hard to leave.

It’s also going to be hard to pay the mortgage.

Our family was approaching a time of massive shift and transition, so this kinda’ just kicks it into gear a little earlier than we planned. Jennifer, my wife, is about to finish graduate school and, hopefully, get a job as a college professor. How I ended up married to a teacher, or how she ended up married to a slacker, class clown, is anyone’s guess. So, we were only a few months away from turmoil, and now I get to spend the next few months practicing being a happy homemaker!

I have been saying to anyone that would listen (which means, mostly Jen) for the last three weeks or so, that, as much as I love my job, I am starting to feel the pull to be at home, that what would be more fulfilling to me would be to spend my days meal planning, doing laundry and cleaning house – it’s so weird – but I’m drawn to it.

Well, as they say, be careful what you wish for.

I have been struck by how differently I reacted to being laid off this time compared with the last time. Back in 2003 I worked in a very similar situation for a very small company, in a home office – they were deeply impacted by 9/11 and the resulting economic downturn and had to let me go. At that time I hit the skids – a deep depression – I pretty much felt useless and stuck…

This time, I have had no depressed feelings, having a family I guess helps me to see that I am not useless, that I have a future. Obviously there is a whole other layer of stress and panic in that there are these two little dependants who need what they need no matter what Jennifer or I are going through – but the sort of aimless, in limbo lost feeling is not a factor at all.

The situation is clear, my role is understood, my options are many, the universe is abundant.

I am grateful to my family for helping me find my place, no matter what my “job” may be.

Daddy Blog #3

Single Parent Week

March 10th, 2010
The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

I spent the better part of the last week as a single parent…

needless to say this blog entry is a little more off the cuff than my prior two.

I haven’t had a lot of time, or inclination to sit around reflecting…

any reflecting time has been spent reflecting on Bushmill’s and Reese’s Pieces.

Jennifer, went to Cleveland for a Theater Conference – the hoity toity academic was presenting a paper there – and managed to use the time to connect with a few long lost friends and colleagues, as well as get some fabulous intellectual stimulation, and, I think, come home ready to charge into the last few dissertation battles.

Some amazing and interesting things happened while Jen was gone.

I streamlined, I stayed calm, my rope or fuse or whatever was longer. I set limits and boundaries and followed thru with the consequences. I had no problems ending a meal when it was obvious it was going to lead further into chaos. I had no doubts handing out a serious consequence or determining when it was required.

I found a balance between planned activities and spontaneity. Lil’ Chaos put herself to bed, and got herself dressed in the morning, she was self-sufficient in a lot of ways, as a matter of fact.

I got to put Wobzilla to bed!

I guess as the sole resource, I found reserves of patience I didn’t know I had.

I guess when there was no one around to come in and bat clean up I was able to find the strength or fortitude or determination to follow thru to the end of the game.

I guess on my own I was able and willing to set the bar a little higher for the 4 year old, out of necessity.

It’s amazing how the chemistry of a family is so interwoven – and that when one element is missing it can change the dynamic dramatically. Amazing too that while we all felt like we were missing a limb and needed Momma terribly, we got by.

Now the challenge remains; how to integrate some of what I learned and did now that Jen is back. It is so easy and reflexive to fall back into old patterns and habits, I mean they don’t even feel like habits and patterns, they just feel like “how it is…” But I know a little something more now, about myself as a father, and it feels good.

It also feels good to have Jen home!