Daddy Blog (4/30/12)

Haywire

By: Danny Thomas

oh. my. god.
I have three kids
and a job
and a wife
who is at the beginning stages
of a career that is
the breadwinning career for our family
so she has to put in
the hours
whatever they may be
and she is a teacher
so that means
a lot of hours

my days
during the week go something like this…
if the kids haven’t been in our bed since five
I wake up at 6:45
wake up the six-year-old to get her ready for the bus
prod her along the process of getting ready…
pee, clothes, brush hair, brush teeth
4 simple steps…
which, some mornings, is no problem…
other mornings it is like Hannibal marching elephants over mountains…
on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have to do this with the three-year-old too
Jen is usually nursing the baby at this point
but is sometimes able to lend a hand in this process…
then it’s scramble to get food in the six-year-old…
the three-year-old gets fed at day care on the “T” days… (Tuesday or Thursday)
and after the bus on the other days…
scramble to get everything in the bags that need to go to school…
scramble to get coats and shoes on and get out the door
wait for bus
we usually have some time to play and goof around for a minute while waiting…
good times.
then it’s either walk the three-year-old to day care
or come home…
then I have a couple hours to get house work done
sometimes I fold laundry and watch t.v.
sometimes I do dishes
sometimes I write
sometimes I cook…
sometimes I zone out, listen to music and Facebook or Pinterest…
sometimes I do yoga
or take a shower…
Then, at ten-ish I head out the door
on the non-T-days I drop the three-year-old at the YMCA for 3 hours’ drop-in care
and take the baby to work with me – when I get there I feed her with a bottle
which sometimes goes well
but sometimes she complains about the plastic nipple a lot
and that is uncomfortable for both of us
almost always I spill a bit of sticky breastmilk on both of us…

after I get her to sleep
I work for a bit
checking emails, returning phone calls, updating websites… doing whatever…
then at 1:20 I race to get the baby loaded up
and head to the Y to get the three-year-old
luckily, she is always happy to see me…
some days though leaving the Y can be a tough transition for her
pouting or shouting or just general poopiness…

lets be honest any transition, or dirt, or birds chirping, or air touching her skin
could be cause for nuclear meltdown…
she’s three, after all.

Then when we get home it’s more housework
cooking, cleaning…
or playing Barbies, or princesses, or whathaveyou with the the three-year-old…
until the 6-year-old gets home
then it’s a bit of homework…
until gymnastics or ballet…

or if it’s a Tuesday or Thursday…
I head home to tend to the baby about noon – so Jen can go teach…
Then back to work at 2:30 to try to get ahead of the game (which never happens)…
and home at 5:00 pick up the three-year-old..
then home for dinner…
and maybe some relaxed time with the family
a walk to the park
or a movie
Or back to work for Box Office Will Call…

oh. my. god.
this pace is pretty tough.
nothing is ever as clean as i want it to be.
our poor baby sleeps in third generation hand-me-downs with third generation hand-me-down stains… bless her heart…
i am always behind on at least a half dozen things…

I feel like most of what Jen and I do together these days is talk about our schedule and calendar and make arrangements…
updating our Google Calendars together
mapping out the itinerary for the week…
so romantic…

If you add to our agenda any
of the inevitable variables
of life;
illness, car trouble, out of town guests, plumbing, a home project or a board meeting, or whatever…
we go haywire

not to mention the drama of various relationships and acquaintances..

we are constantly haywire…

I’m sure it’s common,
this pace…
I’m sure life is hard for everyone
no matter what the schedule
but I feel like, if I had to keep this up very much longer
my head might spin right off…

luckily
for us
we only have to get through
a couple more weeks
then school ends
for Jen
and we can re-adjust

but then summer camps start
Lil’ Chaos’s first drama camp…
and tennis
and swimming
and zoo camp
and wild buffalo adventure camp
and ballet camp
and all that…

oh god.
I need a drink.

Big Kids

Sometimes I forget how quickly these kids are growing up. Today at the park was one of those moments.

And then some people never grow up...and that is the way we like it! 

Music Education

Danny + youtube + girls = Sunday morning music lesson


This week the lesson was The Who.

Daddy Interview (4/28/12)

Interview with Danny Thomas by The Next Family

TNF: How has it been blogging for TNF?

I love blogging for TNF. It’s been a fun journey into myself, a great way to explore what is important to me as a person and as a father… and also as a writer. I have discovered, through writing for TNF, some thematic ideas that come back again and again in my blogs and in my thinking and that has helped me define and refine my personal philosophy and how I approach the world and my family.

It has been nice to have a reason to write… something that forces me to do it. I love writing and have fun writing, but have lacked discipline as a writer and TNF has been a great motivator… I get wonderful feedback and it has sparked some interesting exchanges as well…

Finally, all of this inspires me to write more, develop my voice, develop my stories, hone my craft and continue the exploration.

TNF: How is your family like every other family and how is it different?

Wow, this is  a tough question…

There are so many different kinds of families, and in so many ways every family is different, and yet, we share common ground. I think I’ll just have to tell you some things about my family and you can decide…

My wife and I share in all of the household responsibilities, however, she is the primary income provider and I am the primary homemaker…

On the weekends we like to have big breakfasts; sometimes we go out to breakfast, sometimes we make it at home… and a lot of times we get donuts.

We live in a two-story three-bedroom house; our two oldest daughters share a room and sleep in bunk beds… they love dancing and singing and Strawberry Shortcake, and also swimming, gymnastics, riding bikes, Barbies, princesses and pink stuff…

the baby has her own room; she likes breast milk and sleeping.

My wife and I share a room, we just got a king-sized bed. We like reading and movies and television. She is a Theatre Professor; I am a sound designer and a musician. I write blogs and poems… some people might say we are artsy, or bohemian… we just think of ourselves as people.

We have a cat named Puss Puss..

As a family we like to make up songs and stories, read books, go for walks, have adventures, play games, and watch movies.

Some things that are important to us are honesty, equality, good food, laughter, and friendship…

TNF: Did your family accept you and your lifestyle? If yes, explain and if not explain what you have done to help them to accept your decisions and your lifestyle.

My family is very supportive of my lifestyle, occasionally throughout my life my mother has encouraged me to “get a real job” or be more “career oriented” and I think both my mother and my wife’s mother have struggled occasionally with how we challenge gender stereotypes… in that each of us is not “being taken care of” in the “traditional” manner they imagined… that is, I am not bringing in the money, and my wife is not cleaning and cooking for me… but these struggles are not persistent.

TNF: How do you juggle the work at home with your jobs?

This is probably the biggest struggle in my life right now.

I just don’t know how to do it; as a family we are working on it and trying to come up with some systems of time management, but I don’t have an answer for this question because I don’t know…

I mean, the only answer I can give you is that everyday I let at least one or two balls drop.

TNF: What lessons do you feel are the most important to teach children in this day and age? Are there any lessons they, or perhaps we as parents should unlearn?

Be open to new things and enjoy learning. Know yourself. Be true to yourself. Trust yourself, and find at least one group of people besides yourself that you can trust and depend on. It’s okay to make a mistake, that’s how we learn. Work hard, but have fun and laugh as much as you can.

TNF: Any words of wisdom to pass on to our readers?

I don’t feel qualified to impart words of wisdom… I am just bumbling through this life trying to find balance and peace, trying to laugh and absorb as much as possible.

I guess one thing I have learned about being in a relationship, and being in a family is that it is a choice; my wife and I make the choice everyday to be committed to each other and to our family. It’s not always easy, or fun, or beautiful, and it means a lot of sacrifice and a lot of tough conversations…

TNF: Anything you want our readers to know about you or your family?

I am a terrible driver; my wife is a terrible passenger.

Her favorite food is potatoes, mine changes moment to moment, right now it’s falafel. ‘Zilla’s favorite food is peanut butter toast, and Lil’ Chaos’s favorite food is probably Top Ramen, although she may be like me and it may depend on what is right in front of her at the time… Zuzu’s favorite food is breast milk.

Fingers

A Girl and her Dandelions

Fin adores dandelions. Adores.

2 month appointment...a little late

So...Claire turned 2 months on April 7 and we finally got her in for her well-baby check today. Sheesh. She is awesome. Doing amazing things and just an overall easy baby. We get smiles here and there. She is all about standing up and seeing the world around her. She is sleeping like a champ. Usually about 7pm-3am or so. Really fabulous.


Her stats are:
Weight: 12 pounds 13 ounces (79%)
Height: 23 3/4 inches (80%)


And here she is waiting for the dreaded shots!

A Girl and Her Shoes

Little girl, big shoes.

Dimple & Smile

Sweet Claire and her smile and dimple. Melts a heart!

And this picture is just to show off her funny hair! :P

Tooth Fairy Pillows

We got a lovely package in the mail from Victoria in Seattle. She heard that Maya was getting ready to lose teeth and she made each of the girls (even Claire) a tooth fairy pillow! Thanks, Vic!

Bottle Helper

It isn't often, but once in a while Claire gets a bottle. Thankfully she is pretty good about taking them as long as we don't wait until she is totally fussed. The girls love to help! Fin was the lucky one today!

First Dentist Visits

Maya has a permanent tooth coming in behind her bottom loose tooth. We got a bit nervous and decided to finally get our kids into the dentist. We were lucky that they had back to back appointments and Maya and Finley both got in. The office was wonderful. Very low pressure. And the girls did awesome!

Family of Dolls

Maya made these beautiful dolls for each person in our family! I adore them!

(from l to r): Danny, Finley, Maya, Jen, Claire

Beautiful Babies

Sunday mornings I get to wake up to this.

A Visit from Bruce

Bruce was in town for a Cobber Theatre reunion and was able to spend some time with the family and the girls. What a treat for all of us!

The girls about lost their minds when they saw Bruce's car with the top down. They were able to go for a fun (and fast) ride on a stunning April day.

Dance Injury

With a title like that you would imagine a story about a sprained ankle, a bonked knee or even perhaps a jammed finger. Nope.

A brilliant black eye. Apparently her dance moves were so fierce that her own knee connected with her face and gave her a brilliant black eye!

Rainy School Day

Bumbo Baby

Claire is so strong. She really doesn't enjoy being horizontal. She must be up so that she can pay attention to the chaos around her.

Birthday Flowers for Mom

I got a special visit from Fin today at work.

Easter Eggstravaganza Day 4

A quick read before parting! What a great weekend!

Oh and a better shot of the Easter dresses

And the Peep/Rice Crispy decadence

Daddy Blog (4/9/12)

The Shadow Knows

By: Danny Thomas

Man, aren’t feelings weird?
aren’t people?
we spend so much time
trying to fit feelings
into one word
descriptions
trying to fit all kinds of gray things
into black and white
boxes…

Trying to make
things that belong on a continuum
or a spectrum
into
binary arrangements…

Trying to create linear archetypes
when all kinds of
deviations
exist…

My life, lately,
has been
an extreme mix of emotions
in work, and family, and all around…

isn’t it always?

And none of these things that are upsetting me
or distressing me,
has an easy answer or a
black or white resolution…

This morning
I walked ‘Zilla to school,
we played with our shadows
it was blissful
and fun
and kind of magical.

It put me in mind of
my relationship
with my shadow
when I was ‘Zilla’s age…

I thought my shadow
was thrilling, and mysterious…
I played with it
and sometimes
it played with me…

If I stayed too late
at the neighbor’s house
and had to walk home
at dusk
that pesky shadow of mine
used to chase me home

hide and jump out at me
from behind a bush…
or a light post…

and of course
I think Peter Pan
and his
shadow
had a pretty big impact on me…

and then…
that thought put me in the mind of
Jung
and Robert Bly…

and this whole idea of shadow work

and I have read Bly’s book
and a little bit of Jung and his
ideas about the shadow self

and it occurs to me
how similar the shadow work idea
is to the ideas I’m reading about
in Mary Sheedy Kercinka’s book
Raising Your Spirited Child…

what seems similar to me,
between Bly’s idea of embracing the shadow-self
and Kercinka’s ideas,
is the central concept of
reframing…

finding the benefit
in something that is
initially perceived to be
detrimental…

making these burdensome things into wings

I’m going to think about it some more
I think I need to re-acquaint myself with my shadow
and take a look at what’s going on in there…

it must be packed with
a lot of things that look black
but have some white in them
and a lot of things that look white
but have some black in them too

I’m sure it’s just a lot of gray
things rolling around
rubbing colors
out of each other….

New Bikes

The Easter Bunny was pretty stealthy this year. While we were away in Owatonna he/she dropped off some special treats in the garage. New bikes!! Unfortunately Maya's was the wrong color and Fin's had a flat tire BUT we quickly solved those problems and even got out for a quick ride which was desperately needed after a 6 hour drive back from Owatonna!

Easter Eggstravaganza Day 3, Part 2--At Cindy's

We headed out to Cindy's farm to gather with the rest of the Wesely crew. Total chaos and a wonderful time to chat with everyone.


Of course there was the annual hunt! It is still pretty cut-throat but instead of knocking the little ones over (like when I was young) the old ones grab a young one over the shoulder and run with them! It was pretty fabulous!


The gathering

Lots of observers have a beverage in hand

 The reading of the first clue by Jonathan

 Maya coming back with her treasure ($1) and the next clue

 She was tickled as ever! It was so beautiful.

 Really take a look at this shot. They are moving and racing to the next spot. Fiercely competitive.

 Pat took Fin under his wing to find the final prize! All the baskets...IN GRANDMA BABE'S TRUNK! (Good to see some things never change.)

After the hunt it was time for horse rides. Maya watching the grooming and saddling.

 Spending a bit of time with the pups.

 Onboard!

 Fin getting a few tips.

 And we must not forget Claire. She stayed inside for most of the day with Grandma Babe and Cindy O. She was extremely doted upon!