Another Daddy Blog!

Happy Homemaker

March 26th, 2010 The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

In about 2 weeks I will become a full time homemaker
This is so exciting!
It’s just not happening exactly the way I had planned.
But isn’t that the way it always is?

I got laid off last week, from the best job I have ever had.

It has been a delight. I have been an assistant to Mason Williams, the inimitable musician, writer, poet, artist and composer. How many people can say they have worked for one of their idols? How many people can say they have worked with and for such an icon, such an iconoclast? It has been, by anyone’s standards, a dream job.

Like any job it has had ups and downs, but the opportunities I’ve been given to learn in this job, and the support and generosity have been immeasurable.

It’s going to be hard to leave.

It’s also going to be hard to pay the mortgage.

Our family was approaching a time of massive shift and transition, so this kinda’ just kicks it into gear a little earlier than we planned. Jennifer, my wife, is about to finish graduate school and, hopefully, get a job as a college professor. How I ended up married to a teacher, or how she ended up married to a slacker, class clown, is anyone’s guess. So, we were only a few months away from turmoil, and now I get to spend the next few months practicing being a happy homemaker!

I have been saying to anyone that would listen (which means, mostly Jen) for the last three weeks or so, that, as much as I love my job, I am starting to feel the pull to be at home, that what would be more fulfilling to me would be to spend my days meal planning, doing laundry and cleaning house – it’s so weird – but I’m drawn to it.

Well, as they say, be careful what you wish for.

I have been struck by how differently I reacted to being laid off this time compared with the last time. Back in 2003 I worked in a very similar situation for a very small company, in a home office – they were deeply impacted by 9/11 and the resulting economic downturn and had to let me go. At that time I hit the skids – a deep depression – I pretty much felt useless and stuck…

This time, I have had no depressed feelings, having a family I guess helps me to see that I am not useless, that I have a future. Obviously there is a whole other layer of stress and panic in that there are these two little dependants who need what they need no matter what Jennifer or I are going through – but the sort of aimless, in limbo lost feeling is not a factor at all.

The situation is clear, my role is understood, my options are many, the universe is abundant.

I am grateful to my family for helping me find my place, no matter what my “job” may be.

Daddy Blog #3

Single Parent Week

March 10th, 2010
The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

I spent the better part of the last week as a single parent…

needless to say this blog entry is a little more off the cuff than my prior two.

I haven’t had a lot of time, or inclination to sit around reflecting…

any reflecting time has been spent reflecting on Bushmill’s and Reese’s Pieces.

Jennifer, went to Cleveland for a Theater Conference – the hoity toity academic was presenting a paper there – and managed to use the time to connect with a few long lost friends and colleagues, as well as get some fabulous intellectual stimulation, and, I think, come home ready to charge into the last few dissertation battles.

Some amazing and interesting things happened while Jen was gone.

I streamlined, I stayed calm, my rope or fuse or whatever was longer. I set limits and boundaries and followed thru with the consequences. I had no problems ending a meal when it was obvious it was going to lead further into chaos. I had no doubts handing out a serious consequence or determining when it was required.

I found a balance between planned activities and spontaneity. Lil’ Chaos put herself to bed, and got herself dressed in the morning, she was self-sufficient in a lot of ways, as a matter of fact.

I got to put Wobzilla to bed!

I guess as the sole resource, I found reserves of patience I didn’t know I had.

I guess when there was no one around to come in and bat clean up I was able to find the strength or fortitude or determination to follow thru to the end of the game.

I guess on my own I was able and willing to set the bar a little higher for the 4 year old, out of necessity.

It’s amazing how the chemistry of a family is so interwoven – and that when one element is missing it can change the dynamic dramatically. Amazing too that while we all felt like we were missing a limb and needed Momma terribly, we got by.

Now the challenge remains; how to integrate some of what I learned and did now that Jen is back. It is so easy and reflexive to fall back into old patterns and habits, I mean they don’t even feel like habits and patterns, they just feel like “how it is…” But I know a little something more now, about myself as a father, and it feels good.

It also feels good to have Jen home!

Daddy Blog #2

Peter Pan & Me

February 26th, 2010
The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

I have come to realize that one of the hardest things about being a dad, for me, is that sometimes I have to be Mr. Darling; sometimes I have to throw Nana out of the nursery and ask that my children grow up. And even worse, sometimes I have to ask my children to accept “truths” and “realities” as a function of existing in society. I hate this.

Anyone who knows me well knows that this is counter to my nature, philosophically and practically. I am a knee jerk agnostic; it is my reflex to question anything I “know” to be “true.” One of my father’s biggest sources of pride is having raised a couple of iconoclasts who are not interested in maintaining the status quo. I have the goal, as a father, to honor that tradition and raise children who are, at the very least, mindful of their assumptions.

Growing up, the fictional characters I related to the most were Pooh, Tigger, and The Incredible Hulk. But Peter Pan, for me went beyond a fictional character; he was my myth, my personal icon, a spirit guide if you will. Obviously as I grew, I came to realize that the romantic idealization of youth can be a deadly trap. At the same time I still can’t let go of the notion that there is something of value to letting yourself believe in magic, letting yourself believe in pixie dust and Neverland. Over the years I have maintained and nurtured my connection to Peter Pan’s rascal spirit. It has grown to be an appreciation and reverence to what is unexplainable. It is faith, of a sort. Believing in the fantastic is part of the fabric of my character. I will always clap for Tinkerbell.

So it’s hard giving up the role of Peter Pan, but I can live with occasionally being Captain Hook, because while Captain Hook is a bad guy – he still gets to play, he exists in Neverland, in this world of imagination. So I can almost tell myself I am playing the bad guy, that this “time out” or that confiscated toy is a sporting kind of discipline. What really kills me is when the role of Mr. Darling is required.

Mr. Darling rejects imagination as “poppycock.” Mr. Darling is the end of imagination, the end of play. Mr. Darling says it’s time to “grow up.” He rejects the fantastic…and on top of that he treats Nana like a… dog!

But sometimes, it seems, the games go too far, the pretending gets dangerous, or scary, and sometimes we just need a break from our imagination…

And that’s when it’s my job as a parent to don the Mr. Darling sports coat and top hat and decide what is real, or what the truth is for my kids – that is a terrifying responsibility.

As hard as that is for me to swallow, it is another example of something I’m learning while being a father, but it’s comforting to know I’ve always got a little “something” up my sleeve.

A Published Blogging Daddy

Danny wrote a blog about "his roommates"...aka "our children" that was published today.

I thought I would post a copy of it as well as provide the link:
http://thenextfamily.com/blogs/2010/02/12/urban-dwellers/so-much-to-learn/

Congrats!

So Much To Learn…

February 12th, 2010
The Next Family

By: Danny Thomas

I have a four-year-old kid, and an 18-month-old kid…

They are awesome, but they are the worst roommates I’ve ever had.

They are so full of life that it spills out on the floor and I am constantly tripping over it.

They are so expressive that I forget I have my own feelings, until they come bubbling, frothing, erupting and exploding, at times, to the surface.

They are brilliant, astounding, wonderful machines of love and destruction.

Fatherhood is a synthesis of so many things including chaos, laughter, entropy, love, awkwardness and destruction…

The other day I went to my acupuncturist. She treats me for a number of things including indigestion, stress and anger-management – obviously, all these things are related to, and amplified by parenthood, but they were “pre-existing conditions.”

There is always a bit of awkwardness on my part when she works on my feet.

Like clockwork, she starts to take my socks off. I offer to do it, and she laughs and tells me it’s not a problem, so I relax. This particular day, she kept laughing… a little too long.

“I think you have a sticker stuck to your foot… it looks like Tinkerbell.”

I was just so relieved it wasn’t food.

The thing is, at that moment all I could do was laugh, at myself, at my children, at the whole episode – and isn’t that one of the greatest gifts?

I am learning from Lil’ Chaos and Wobzilla (their loving nicknames) all the time, and growing as a result of them being in my life. I am learning to be more patient.

I am learning to be disciplined when it’s called for and spontaneous when it’s not. It’s not always easy to tell the difference.

I’m learning, er… trying to learn to accept that this whole family, this life, is a work in progress.

Learning that mistakes and embarrassing moments are okay, that I can laugh at myself even when I have weird crap stuck to my feet, or even when I make a more serious mistake.

If I can learn that from my kids then hopefully they can learn it from me too…

And I guess I feel like the biggest thing I have to teach my children

Is that I have something to learn from them…

that we have a lot to learn from each other.

4 Years...

Maya coming home from the hospital... 1st Birthday... 2nd Birthday... 3rd Birthday... and 4th birthday... Happy Birthday Poppy!

Big Shoes, er Boots, to Fill

Really the picture says it all.


I think she tromped around in Maya's boots for 15 minutes and we laughed the entire time! We've definitely entered into the "I'm-going-to-do-everything-Maya-does" phase.

December Visit to MN

We were lucky enough to sneak in a pre-Christmas visit to MN to see all the family. We trekked up to Portland on Monday night and flew out on Tuesday morning. Thankfully we sneaked into MSP before a winter storm.

Things were slow moving on our way south to Owatonna but nothing too awful. Somewhere between Faribault and Medford Maya alerted us that she had to pee RIGHT NOW. So, I took the next off ramp and the poor kid peed outside in a MN winter storm. Good to see she is hearty stock! :D

It doesn't look "that bad" in the picture but it was windy, snowing and quite cold.


Tuesday night it snowed all night. Danny and I ran out to Target in the blizzard after we got the kids tucked into bed. I knew we wouldn't be getting out much the next day and I wanted the girls to have snowpants/jackets that they could go out in the snow in. I think we were the only people dumb enough to be out but our mission was a success.

Maya loved the snow. Fin, on the other hand, thought the snow was ok as long as she wasn't in it!


Porter came over to show Maya "the ropes" of snow play. Maya showed him how to make an snowball store. They had a good time playing together.

We spent a lot of time visiting family and eating food, of course. We had supper with Grandma Babe, played 500 with Grandma Babe and Shirley. Maya had her first overnight at Porter's house. She didn't get much sleep but she did manage to stay over all night. She went swimming with Jonathan, Teresa and Porter as well.

Four generations picture.

We went to see Santa at the Owatonna Arts Center. There were pics with Santa and then a reading of "The Polar Express". Fin wanted absolutely nothing to do with Santa. Maya was wiggly and squirmy but we managed to get a quick shot.
There was a stunning Christmas tree and we managed to get Porter, Maya and Fin sitting their momentarily. This picture captures each of them in an interesting light!



We had a very Merry Kuchenbecker-McKinney Christmas at the Geneva Bar and Grill. It was great. Dad and Barb made prime rib, fried chicken, au gratin potatoes, and green bean casserole. It was fabulous. The entire family was there.

There were family pictures.




There was family bingo with fabulous prizes!!!! Maya was an excellent caller. She would walk over and personally tell you the number.



There were quarters aplenty for pool, the claw game and...the juke box. Of course Danny was the first to put music in the machine and out blasted our family favorite "Single Ladies" which wasn't that big of a deal EXCEPT it was at Saturday night full bar volume on a Sunday evening. Holy hell it was funny. The kids all got into a little dance party with some Lady Gaga, a little Abba and other raucous tunes.

Maya alternated between using her cue stick as a guitar and using it as a vehicle for applying chalk.


Fin, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with the actual presents in the bag. She just wanted to pull her bags around. So she did.


After much fun and relaxing it was time to take our leave. We had a couple last minute cuddles, smooches and pictures with Grandma Sandy.





We drove up to MSP a day early because the McThor clan were kind enough to make the trek down from Fargo so we could hang out before getting on the plane. We had adjoining suites which worked perfectly. We had sleeping rooms and a bit of room to run. It was great to see them and finally meet Griffin and Duncan. Their family is beautiful and it was great to be able to sit and chat.

We got to do a little swimming.


And Maya got a chance to practice her mothering skills.


We flew out Thursday morning (12/17). We allowed a ton of extra time but after returning the car, getting through security and peeing we walked onto the plane just before they closed the door! The flight was pretty good although we were all pretty tired. Getting back to PDX we got our luggage and then had to wait for the shuttle, install the car seats, get back to our car, install the car seats....whew!

Needless to say we were ecstatic to be home and in our own beds that night!!!!