Parenting and Expectations

Posted at The Next Family
by: Danny Thomas

Parenting,

Lately,

has been about

adjusted expectations…

No, not just parenting,

Everything in my life.

And not just lately.

But always…

Here’s a message the universe sent me recently

About adjusted expectations:

I wanted to take a shower.

It was Sunday afternoon,

Two days after Thanksgiving.

I had been on vacation,

So to speak.

I needed a shower.

Fin had been helping me fold laundry;

She was in tow.

She may have even led me into the bathroom,

For a potty break.

(She’s good at the “break” part.

The potty is getting there.)

Anyway,

We are in the bathroom together…

She’s half undressed,

And wants to play in the sink,

In fact, I think by playing in the sink

She managed to soak her shirt, her last remaining piece of clothing.

She’s enjoying playing in the water.

Of course she is –she’s two; playing in water makes her brain grow….

“Wanna take a shower?”

“Yes, Please.”

(Understandable enthusiasm!)

Here is the adjusted expectation.

On another day, a day when I was feeling…

Less…

Or down, or overstrained…

I could easily view this as an invasion of my privacy

As a burden

A cross to bear…

And yet,

On this day I was able to delight in it.

The joy of water play.

The joy of getting clean.

The joy of sharing time with my family.

Fin and I had an awesome shower.

She continued to play in the water

While I got out and dried off.

Adjusting my expectations.

Expectation: a shower is best as alone time.

Expectation: for time to be restorative, I need to spend it alone, or
without my children.

Expectation: that a shower, a chore, or any other event must fall in a scheduled time or be part of a routine.

Expectation: Showering with my kid is a chore and takes away from the experience.

But, in that moment on Sunday afternoon the reality was totally different.

Reality: A shower can be a positive shared experience.

Reality: Time with my children can also be restorative.

Reality: Variation from the routine is okay, and sometimes great.

Reality: Showering with my kid was a lot of fun!

I guess I feel like

Expectations

Are like judgment,

And are part of a system that is hard-wired in our brains…

Being in the moment is not,

As far as I can tell,

letting go of expectations,

But having the ability to

Constantly and rapidly adjust expectations.

Redefine judgments…

Our Tree

We had our favorite place that we liked to get our tree from in Oregon, so this year we were sort of on a search for a new place. We actually went in a caravan with a couple of colleagues from Concordia.

It was fabulous. There is nothing commercial about the operation, just a man sitting in a truck at the end of a driveway. Acres and acres of trees and deep, deep snow!!!

Fin did a great job for about 5 minutes. Then, she was riding on shoulders or in arms for the majority of the time.





It took us a while to find the right needle-length of tree but eventually we found it!


Danny hunkered down and started sawing.


Then we strapped it to the roof and headed home!


It needed to dry off in the garage for a while because it had been covered in snow. Our neighbors had seen the tree on our roof and told us that we couldn't have a live tree, that it was against the rules of our lease. After some stress and worry, we called the office manager and found out that it isn't the case. Yippeee!

The tree found a wonderful home in the corner.


With lights.


Fin decorating.


She had a good time. (For whatever reason we don't have pictures of Maya decorating but she was pretty into it as well.)


Relaxing in front of the tree!

Preschool Field Trip to see Santa

Maya's preschool took a trip to Rheault Farm to see Santa. Fin got to tag along with her big sister!

Waiting in line to see Santa.


Talking to Santa. Maya made sure that she introduced Santa to her little sister. She took great care of Fin. Fin was a little wary of the big guy.


A happy Fin (after escaping from the red suit guy).

Thanksgiving

We had a delightfully quiet Thanksgiving meal. Danny and Jen had just come back from separate trips to Seattle, so it was nice to have the family back together again.

The girls got all gussied up. (sorry it is blurry)


The spread.


After the meal we went downstairs to relax before the big clean up. Mom worked on a puzzle, the girls played in the playroom and had dance parties with dad.

We got a bit distracted and didn't notice that Fin had disappeared. Maya went off to find out what she was up to. She came back down and said that Fin was at the table putting on lotion.

This is what we discovered.




Needless to say, Thanksgiving dinner was quickly followed up with a Thanksgiving bath!

An Afternoon at the Theatre!

I have been spending every waking moment at the theatre directing "Return to the Forbidden Planet". It's a strange mash-up of Shakespeare, 60s science fiction and mid-century jukebox rock!


We had a matinee today and we thought we would bring Maya and try to give Fin a shot. Well they both did fabulous! Maya sat with Danny, Mel, Britt and Odin and Fin and I sat up in the back! Fin was starting to get antsy at the very end but she held on! I was totally surprised! Not too shabby for a 2 year old.

Maya LOVED seeing the actors (shocking, I know)! Here are some pictures of the big event!

Outside the theatre


With mom


Meeting the cast...Miranda



with Prospero. She was a bit hesitant because he is about 7.5 feet tall with his boots on. But once she got going...she wouldn't leave him alone! :D


With Ariel...although she is kind of in the dark...


We had photo call after the show and the girls hung out and got to have a special picture with the "monster" of the show.


And one last one of Fin and Danny hanging out in the house waiting!

This morning

Such beautiful babies.

Halloween

It was a busy weekend. The girls wore there costumes all weekend at school parties on Friday, a faculty party on Saturday and trick-or-treating on Sunday. We carved pumpkins on Saturday as well. Fun and exhausting weekend!

The girls were beguiled by each others' head gear.


Finley grabbed a chance to put on Maya's costume while she wasn't looking!


Carving pumpkins. Finley was pretty disgusted by the whole process.


This was the first year that Maya was really interested in carving. In fact, she drew her face and carved with Dad's oversight!


Our finished product. From left to right--Maya, Finley, Danny, Jen and Puss Puss.


Maya in full gear as "Soccer Fairy Princess".


Finley as a snarly little Ladybug!


Trick-or-Treating with Odin.


Marching along.


The kids did great. We did the entire block around Mel's house which had to have been around 40 houses. Fin started off strong but eventually lost steam and took a break in the stroller. She eventually got back into the game at the end. Odin and Maya ran hard the whole time. It was great to see them together!

Maya made conversation at nearly every house. Sometimes it was to comment on exterior decorations, other times to talk about the pets inside the house and other times just to tell a funny story. One of which went something like this:

Maya: Is that a poodle?
Homeowner: Yes.
Maya: My Auntie Kate does not like poodles.
Homeowner: Oh, really?
Maya: Yes. She definitely would not like your dog. No way.
Homeowner: Oh, that's interesting.
Maya: Yeah. Happy Halloween!

What a character.

Finley charmed people with her cuteness and politeness. I was proud of both girls for their "Thank Yous" and "Happy Halloweens"!

Maya's shadow on the fence.


Finley's shadow.


It was a wonderful weekend at home for the whole family. I was able to take Sunday night off from rehearsal so we would be able to hang out together.